We all have walls we put up to avoid being hurt. Some of us even set rules to keep from getting hurt again. What do I mean by rules? Well things like refusing to commit to someone for a certain period of time, saying you don’t want a relationship or even making excuses based on looks. I’ve even made the excuse that lesbian dating is harder because it’s hard to find beauty and brains in a femme woman that likes other femme women. Most of the time, these are just defense mechanisms. I’ve realized how many rules I’ve given myself for dating. I have talked about my extremely hard break up for way too long and how it seems to have caused me to be cynical. These are excuses. You are responsible for your own actions and no one can cause you to act or feel a certain way. That is all you.
I dated a ton of girls that I knew weren’t right for me because I wanted to see what was out there. The more not right for me, the more I seemed to be attracted to them. I used to blame it on the idea that crazy women were just attracted to me, but the truth is I was avoiding or ignoring the good ones. I wanted so badly to have the sparkly girl. Sounds stupid I know, but it’s that girl who when you walk in the room everyone looks and envies you. The girl that you almost feel like is too good-looking for you. It’s the thrill of the chase. Man did I used to love the chase.
At a certain point we grow up and other things become more important to us. Saying that all women are crazy is just an excuse and quite frankly, a little dramatic. I still feel that there are more legitimately crazy clingy women in the lesbian dating scene than straight people probably encounter, but it’s all about perspective. Personality is more sparkly to me than any hot girl. The problem with most super attractive women is that they know it and will use it to their advantage. They tend to be the high maintenance girls. I’m not saying there aren’t beautiful women out there that are nice, but most tend to be a little off-center.
It’s interesting how making one little adjustment to how you see people or even how you come off as a person can change the game. I have a guy friend that in our first conversation asked me - “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” I had just met this guy and he just came right out with this question. I didn’t have an answer for him because I hadn’t done anything crazy. Well over the past year I dated like crazy. I know this seems like I am getting off subject, but this relates. Sometimes we need to do something different or “crazy” to appreciate the good in people. The down to earth – level-headed – bring home to mom types. If you’re like me you’ve always wanted this type of girl, but have always attracted the opposite. Some people automatically see the good people and don’t have the problem I have had. They already have the perspective of down to earth, smart and wifey material is the hottest thing ever.
I’m just figuring out my own definition of “hot”. To me hot is more synonymous with an amazing personality, which tends to have a certain charm and thoughtfulness attached to it. It’s not a certain look. Hot is the girl you can bring home to mom and dad. She’s the girl who will play video games with you or do what you love to do while also giving you shit and pushing you to try new things. The word “hot” is all relative and unique to your own preferences. No one else’s opinion matters.