You Can’t Chase Love

30 December 2014 1 Comments Category: Dating

I was in love twice in my early 20s. I’ve felt how intoxicating and high love can make you feel, but I’ve also learned that there are many different kinds of love. The love a friend, a family member and of course, a partner. I’ve learned you can’t chase love and it isn’t something you find. It finds you. It comes to you when you’re not searching for it. When you’re just living your life happily and content. There are so many complexities in love.

I haven’t discussed it on here, but I had been dating a girl on and off for about 6 months. She’s a great girl with so much to offer as a partner and a friend. I wish it worked out between us because we make such great friends, but somehow it doesn’t translate into a relationship. It’s really okay. People come into your life for a reason and I wish her all the best.

It’s hard to end a relationship when you’ve grown an attachment to someone. The most difficult thing for me was coming to grips with the idea that I can still love someone deeply and not be in love with them. I thought we get along so well and we’re very similar in what we like to do, maybe we just need to try to work things out. It just isn’t there. The “in love” feeling isn’t there and that should be there. After 6 months if isn’t starting to develop, you probably need to reevaluate your feelings.

It’s so easy to stay with someone you’re comfortable with because you’re afraid to be on your own. When you’ve had perpetual breakups or you’ve been burned, you’re looking for that safety and comfortable. We lesbians make mistakes because the dating pool is small aand often times we cling to the first attractive girl that maybe isn’t the best fit for us. We will stay with someone because we don’t want to be alone or they don’t think they’ll find someone else. Call me an optimist, but I think there’s someone for everyone. We can’t all be so lucky as to have our first girlfriend, boyfriend or partner be the one we spend the rest of our life. I wish that was the case, but that is rare.

My outlook has remained that I don’t need a relationship. I would love find someone I loved and could spend the rest of my life with, but maybe it isn’t the time for me yet. “Want” and “need” are different things and I think you’re pretty damn successful as a person when you can want, but not need someone to make you happy.

There is a part of me that still thinks maybe the girl I want doesn’t exist, but I have to hope. I think we should all keep hope. There will be the one person that understands you and treats you better than anyone else. Don’t settle and don’t let the idea of being alone push you to stay with someone that isn’t right. Love is an amazing thing.

Strive to find the one that makes you smile during the times you never thought you could.



Letting go of your soul mate is one of the hardest things one will ever experience. I know first hand because it took me years to let go of who I thought was mine. I read an article that was posted by a friend on Facebook called “Losing Your Soul Mate Is The Best Thing That Could Ever Happen to You.” An intriguing title isn’t it? It’s intriguing to me because most of the us think it’s the end of love as we know it if we lose our soul mate. However, this article takes a completely different stance and views losing your soul mate as a good thing. An event that helps you learn and grow as a person to figure out what you do and don’t want in a relationship. I highly recommend reading it (it’ll also help you understand what I’m referencing in the rest of this post). The writer eloquently conveys what it’s like to lose love and how “though it will at first seem inconceivable, you’ll eventually meet someone who possesses the attributes you once loved about someone else, but this new person won’t leave you feeling empty.” This sentence in particular resonated with me because those words are words I’ve said before, but differently. These words are what I like to tell people when they’re getting out of a bad relationship that consumes them, but they think the person was the one. It’s a concept I’ve told myself and one that I still have to remind myself of. It’s funny  because I swear as lesbians, we tend to think almost every girl might be our soul mate. Because of what I like to call the “lesbian vortex.”

I’ve talked about how when two women get together it’s intense. More intense than most people could even imagine. I think it’s because there is a level of emotional connectedness between two women that doesn’t seem to exist in straight relationships. I’m not saying there isn’t a connection, but it’s not as immediate and all-encompassing as when two women click. Thus, the lesbian vortex. The lesbian vortex stems follow the “Uhaul” joke and why most people are like “did you get married yet?” when you find someone you’re really excited about. It’s the vortex where you almost completely forget what’s going on around you because you’re so focused on one person. It comes from the feeling of complete understanding, connection and comfort when you meet someone that sends electricity through your soul.

I found the writer’s perspective regarding lost love so perfect and every time I read the article I believe it more and more. I should get one thing straight though. I don’t believe there is only one soulmate. I think we have multiple and soul mates that fit us in different ways. If we had only one soul mate life would be pretty dang depressing because if we lost that soul mate, we would have no hope for another great love. Even though I lost what I thought was one soul mate, I gained perspective. At the time, it was unbelievably hard to think about starting over and moving on from someone that was once my best friend. When you become so accustomed to having that person in your life, there is a sense of detachment from yourself because they were once a huge part of you. The truth is even though you feel like you lost a part of you, you really cleared out more space for new love.

This article reiterates what I try to convey in my blog. That lost love is not the end of the world. In the end you will find someone that is the yin to your yang, the peanut butter to your jelly and the Lucy to your Ethel. The person will come into your life and understand you in ways no one ever else has. They will accept your quirks, your awkward moments and things you might not find attractive about yourself. Don’t stop being positive because positivity brings good people into your life and presents you with opportunities you never thought possible.

Losing your soul mate isn’t the end of the world. It’s only the beginning of one with new possibilities.


gay community

I attended a funeral this weekend for a man that lived over 100 years. He was a member of my extended family. My great uncle. As you may know, it’s a huge accomplishment to live 100 years. I couldn’t help, but contemplate what it would have been like to live through a century of time. The changes I would see and the life I would have lived. The most historical and notable events in this man’s life, of which people so eloquently spoke of, consisted of attendance at the Nuremberg Trials and his father living through and getting out of a concentration camp. Because of his father’s urging, my great uncle left Germany to start a new life with his then wife. She died 14 years before him. He said he hoped she would go first because then she wouldn’t have to experience the pain he had to go through. I was fascinated by the life he lived. Because he really lived. He was an outstanding, brilliant man that made every ounce of time on earth count.

I got a chance to look through some of the photographs from his childhood, when the iPhone and digital camera weren’t even a glimmer of a thought. The world has changed so much since then. All I could think about was how funny his hair looked and how bad the quality of the photographs were. Through the lens of someone of the millennial generation, the world looked almost unrecognizable. I couldn’t even imagine living in 1914 and growing up during World War II. Life for me would have been completely different. Life for the gay community would have been completely different. There would’t have been a gay community.

We are lucky. Times are still changing, but we have to remember how lucky we are. The world can be a scary and unfair place, but we live a very good life in the United States. We don’t have to worry about being thrown in jail or killed for being gay. There are still some parts of the country where it isn’t okay to be gay and people have to live in fear, but times are changing. Every day I think about how lucky I am that I get to write about my life and my stories, or give advice to anyone that writes to me through this blog.

There are still many things we have to improve upon. Marriage equality, workplace discrimination and overall respect of the gay community are just a few. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have a family and live in a world where I am free to be who I am. If I had been my age a hundred years ago, there is no way I could have been gay and out. I would have been married to a man, like most gay women probably were long ago. The word homosexual was most likely placed in the same category as a Jew in Nazi Germany one hundred years ago.

Just imagine life during this time and never forget how lucky we are to be able to be who we are. There are still many people in the closet, facing retribution for their sexuality. This isn’t how the world should be, but it is something people face every day and it is a fact that will eventually change due to diligent efforts by organization such as the Human Rights Campaign.

I feel the gay community is a very strong community. We support those questioning and help those in less than ideal situations. Because the truth is most of us were there. We feel for others that have to experience the same fear and pain we experienced. No one should have to feel alone or scared to be who they are.

I want to see a world, in one hundred years, that treats the terms homosexual, gay, transgender and bisexual as nothing more than categories of sexuality. This is my hope for the gay community in 100 years. That it’s just another version of normal.


I just ended a relationship a few days ago. I can’t help, but think how I’ve learned from each relationship I’ve had. We tend to always talk about how bad a relationship was or how much we regret wasting time on someone, yet that’t not always the case. I feel that the thought of wasted time is no more than anger at yourself for not realizing something sooner. I’ve felt in moments that I wasted my time on someone, but I no longer feel that way. That so called “wasted time” was actually learning.

In my early 20s, I had a very serious relationship (so weird to now say early 20s). I thought she was the one and that we would one day get married. I still haven’t ever felt that kind of love for someone else, but I’ve never lost hope. Things ended with us long ago because we had different motivations and values. We weren’t headed in the same direction and we had barely any time to figure ourselves out on our own. The only thing I had known in the beginning of my adult life was how I was with her. Don’t get me wrong she helped make me into the strong person I am today, but we needed that time to grow as separate people.

Some people are lucky enough to meet the person they are supposed to grow old with at a young age. They grow together instead of apart in the most impactful years of their life. I think someone upstairs had a bigger plan for me. I needed to figure out what I wanted and who I was as a person. I needed to become strong and reach my goals before I was given the person I would eventually call my wife. I’m still waiting for that girl, but I’m not looking. I want to enjoy these last years in my 20s. This is when, I’ve been told, we grow the most. I can’t wait to see what I’m capable of on my own, personally and in my career.  I can proudly say that I am happy with who I am and I don’t see any need to change. I know I can be a picky pain in the ass, but I know that I have so many other qualities that make up for it. When you like who you are, you know what you want and what you’re willing to bend on, you don’t allow someone to change you. The right person won’t want to change you.

My most recent relationship ended because we weren’t a good fit. We had different outlooks on independence and plans. I’m independent and I like making plans. I make plans on weekends because it gives me something to look forward to after the work week. I don’t feel it’s necessary to sleep over at someone’s house all the time in the beginning of relationship. It’s healthy to have time away. I guess maybe I’m not the typical U-Hauling lesbian, but I’m content with myself. I’m turning 27 next week and I’ve got almost everything I could ever want. A relationship takes a back seat for now, but I will say.. If someone amazing comes along I’m more than willing to get into another one. Remember that wasted time is only a single viewpoint. Every experience serves a purpose.

Also – if you meet a gorgeous nerdy lesbian with a crazy sense of humor and a drive to be the best person they can be, send them my way 😉


When we are children we are innocent, carefree, and full of life. We haven’t encountered life’s trials and tribulations. Nor have we faced real failure. When we are children, adults emphasize making mistakes in order to learn. This is why children love and live life with no fear because there is no fear in love. They have no fear of getting their hearts broken or living up to their potential. Children dream and love without boundaires.The love of a child is the most pure, uninhibited, and loyal love in existence. Why can’t we love like we are 6 years old?

We as adults spend so much time worried about getting hurt and dwelling on the past that we have forgotten how to live in the moment. We have forgotten the simplicity of love. Love is supposed to be the easy part. The relationship is what’s complicated. You should never have to question your feelings for someone. If you do, then it probably isn’t right.

A friend of mine posed this question. She asked, “Would you pass someone up if you thought they loved you more than you have ever seen someone love another person?” My answer was very straightforward. I said, “I would if I didn’t feel the same way.” Love is a progression. It cannot be forced. No matter how great someone looks on paper or seems “perfect” for you. You can’t force someone to have feelings for you and vice versa.  The perfect person is not so easily defined because most of the time it’s the flaws coupled with the good in people that make you fall in love. A horrible laugh or snort, a barely noticeable lisp or clumsy beyond comprehension… these are things that make people fall in love when it’s the right person. Real love grows in time within two people. It’s earned and it’s not given away. Always remember it takes two to tango in every facet of relationships. Love is accepting every part of someone, mutually. It’s allowing yourself to feel vulnerable without fear or consequence.

Everyone eventually finds love because there really is someone for everyone. It takes longer for some people to find that great love, but it’s worth the wait. Those that wait and don’t settle find the most powerful and consuming type of love. That one great love story. Maybe I’m the last person that believes in the fairytale ending, but I don’t care. I will never settle because I want that ending. Everyone deserves that ending, so listen to yourself. The six year old in you will tell you when your feelings are right. Let yourself feel giddy and ridiculous. That is the best part of life. The beginnings.

lesbian dating We all have walls we put up to avoid being hurt. Some of us even set rules to keep from getting hurt again. What do I mean by rules? Well things like refusing to commit to someone for a certain period of time, saying you don’t want a relationship or even making excuses based on looks. I’ve even made the excuse that lesbian dating is harder because it’s hard to find beauty and brains in a femme woman that likes other femme women. Most of the time, these are just defense mechanisms. I’ve realized how many rules I’ve given myself for dating. I have talked about my extremely hard break up for way too long and how it seems to have caused me to be cynical. These are excuses. You are responsible for your own actions and no one can cause you to act or feel a certain way. That is all you.

I dated a ton of girls that I knew weren’t right for me because I wanted to see what was out there. The more not right for me, the more I seemed to be attracted to them. I used to blame it on the idea that crazy women were just attracted to me, but the truth is I was avoiding or ignoring the good ones. I wanted so badly to have the sparkly girl. Sounds stupid I know, but it’s that girl who when you walk in the room everyone looks and envies you. The girl that you almost feel like is too good-looking for you. It’s the thrill of the chase. Man did I used to love the chase.

At a certain point we grow up and other things become more important to us. Saying that all women are crazy is just an excuse and quite frankly, a little dramatic. I still feel that there are more legitimately crazy clingy women in the lesbian dating scene than straight people probably encounter, but it’s all about perspective. Personality is more sparkly to me than any hot girl. The problem with most super attractive women is that they know it and will use it to their advantage. They tend to be the high maintenance girls. I’m not saying there aren’t beautiful women out there that are nice, but most tend to be a little off-center.

It’s interesting how making one little adjustment to how you see people or even how you come off as a person can change the game. I have a guy friend that in our first conversation asked me  – “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” I had just met this guy and he just came right out with this question. I didn’t have an answer for him because I hadn’t done anything crazy. Well over the past year I dated like crazy. I know this seems like I am getting off subject, but this relates. Sometimes we need to do something different or “crazy” to appreciate the good in people. The down to earth – level-headed – bring home to mom types. If you’re like me you’ve always wanted this type of girl, but have always attracted the opposite. Some people automatically see the good people and don’t have the problem I have had. They already have the perspective of down to earth, smart and wifey material is the hottest thing ever.

I’m just figuring out my own definition of “hot”. To me hot is more synonymous with an amazing personality, which tends to have a certain charm and thoughtfulness attached to it. It’s not a certain look. Hot is the girl you can bring home to mom and dad. She’s the girl who will play video games with you or do what you love to do while also giving you shit and pushing you to try new things. The word “hot” is all relative and unique to your own preferences. No one else’s opinion matters.

lesbian dating horror stories

I always have hilarious conversations with my friends about dating. Pretty much all of my friends (including me) are single and on the prowl, so to speak. We all exchange straight and lesbian dating horror stories and good stories when we see each other. It’s basically, “how’s work?” then “tell me about the love life.” I have to say I’ve had some of the funniest stories recently and I wanted to begin to share them with you. They are too good not to share or document HA!

The first story is about this bisexual girl I met on an online dating site. She had a kid, which was a little weird for me – but I thought what the heck. She could be awesome and why should that be the one thing holding me back, so I went out with her. We had a great time. Went mini-golfing like in high school then for frozen yogurt. It was really a blast. I think it was one of the first dates in a long time where someone didn’t want to get a drink at a bar. I feel like you learn so much more about dynamics during an activity and you still get to talk. Side note – a movie is never appropriate for a first date unless you plan on going to dinner before. You’re silent the whole time and you can’t get to know someone.

Anyway back to the story… We had an awesome first date and planned to hang out again, so the next date was none other than an eat pizza and watch Orange is the New Black marathon (season 2 just came out eeeeek). It was fun. We laughed a lot and I was like she’s cool. Same values and sense of humor. Then the first disaster happened.. she kissed me. It had to be one of the most awkward first kisses I’ve ever had, but I tried not to judge. Why might you ask? I read a stupid article saying that first kisses are sometimes bad because people are nervous and you should really go after the second or third kiss. So I continued talking to her. We texted quite a bit and I thought to myself she’s awesome. I should really give her another shot. We went on a third date. This was like the weirdest of dates.

We went to Pike Place Market in Seattle. Now this could have been the cutest and most romantic third date ever, but it just got plain uncomfortable. I went to this Russian Piroshky place and she waited in line at Starbucks. I got the food first, so I met her in Starbucks where she was still waiting in line. A little back story on me – I’m super friendly and like to talk to everyone. She on the other hand was acting really odd. She thought I was weird for talking to the cashier about her day. It was like oh boy, I hope this isn’t the start of red flags. This guy who was waiting in line had a daughter that was really young and he really wanted to get a Seattle mug, so he asked me if I could get him one since I was already in line. He would give me $20 to pay for it, so I said yes of course. She went to wait for the drinks and I went to give the guy his mug. It was extremely crowded and I had to push through people. I came back to her and made a joke about the asianic flu because of how claustrophobic it was. You know germs in a crowded room? I thought it was funny. Disclaimer: I am not racist or anything like that. It was simply a joke about a superbug because there were so many people around. My best friend is Filipino. This girl  totally flipped out and gave me this look of utter disdain.  Basically looked at me like I was the most horrible person in the world for saying that. I was completely joking. It wasn’t PC, but it didn’t deserve that reaction. She later apologized and said it was because she hadn’t had coffee. Talk about weird. My red flag indicator was beeping louder than ever.

We decide to go back to my place and finish watching Orange is the New Black again. So we’re sitting on the couch and she keeps staring at me like she wants to kiss me. I’m so turned off from earlier in the day and my last experience kissing her that I literally just kept pretending I didn’t see her. Eventually she jumped me and started making out with me. IT WAS STILL BAD. Only she kept stopping and making these weird faces. I was like no dice dude. This is weirddddd. There’s something wrong here! I walked her to the door after I got out of the situation and said to myself, “never again.”

She got home and texted me. She said, “Sorry if  I was kissing you weirdly, I was trying not to have an asthma attack.” An asthma attack from whattt do you ask? Apparently, according to her I am such a good kisser than she was getting too excited. Who admits that! I tried to dodge the whole thing. Like “Ohhhh that makes sense” then change the subject. She then starts sexting me! The girl has got problems. Whoever is reading this please do not sext people until you’ve had real life sex or done something! At least make sure the person is interested if you must go there. It’s tacky. These are just my feelings, but it’s uncomfortable and makes me respect someone less.

Long story short. I told her I felt way too uncomfortable and couldn’t come back from the weirdness. I wished her luck and that was that. She seemed so normal then boom! 180.

I talk about dating all the time because I still don’t understand it. It’s hilarious and confusing. I’ll always remember the girl who said I gave her an asthma attack and laugh. I could think of these dates as horrible experiences, but honestly they are some of the funniest moments of my entire life. You’ll never appreciate the good unless you’ve gone through all the bad. In theory, of course.

Here’s my best advice for successful dating… Remember what you want. We as lesbians tend to sacrifice the traits in a partner that are important to us just because we finally found someone who likes us back or is attractive. If we enter relationships for these reasons, they will no question fail. Listen to your gut. I can’t stress it enough. It’s one of my rules for an awesome life. What are your deal breakers? That’s what you need to remember.

Stay tuned for another dating horror story.. maybe I’ll bring one back from my early lesbian years 😉



Life Rules

Life is a funny thing. It isn’t predictable and it’s never what we expect, yet it’s still incredible. Even the bad moments teach us something if we look hard enough. We as humans are constantly changing, growing and learning. It makes every day exciting and new. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about life’s unpredictability and I thought to myself what have I learned so far? I’m not trying to say I hold the answers to living a gratifying and fulfilling life, but I feel like I have learned quite a bit in my young life.

My friend encouraged me to sit down and think about my rules (what’s important to me). What internal rules govern how I make decisions or live my life? It’s definitely more of a daunting task than I thought because you never consciously think about what values or pillars rule your life. You just live it. But here they are…. My life rules:

1. Find One Good Thing in Every Day

Let’s face it, we all have our shitty days. Those days when we don’t feel like anything will every go our way. Some people find the negatives in everything because they don’t know any other way. The glass half empty complex. I view life as whatever I want it to be. No matter what horrible thing happens in my day, I always take a step back and think about how lucky I am or what I have to look forward to. Dinner with a friend, going home to my dog or even the book I get to read when I get home. Life is really whatever you want it to be. You’ll also find that viewing at least one positive in life changes the way others view you and changes your overall happiness. I know it did for me. There is always one good thing in your life, trust me.

2.  Never Stop Learning and Growing

Never accept the status quo. Challenge yourself to be a better person and to expand your point of view. Learn new skills, go back to school or even have a controversial conversation. Allow yourself to be open to learning new things or maybe hearing a different point of view. Looking forward to learning something new helps me get up everyday. Personal growth is one of the most rewarding things in my opinion

3.  Love Yourself First

Loving yourself is the first step to a fulfilling life. You can’t give love without self-love. For example, identifying as gay or lesbian was extremely difficult, but I found the more comfortable I was with it – the more comfortable other people were. Take the steps to learn how to accept your weirdness, nerdiness and uniqueness. Own your awkwardness (which I can be at times) and other people will view it as confidence. There is nothing sexier than someone comfortable in their own skin.

4.  Make Mistakes

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes help you learn and grow and become better. The biggest lessons are those learned from our mistakes. Perfection doesn’t exist, so take risks and don’t be afraid to fail. The greatest minds in history failed at least once before they got it right. Life wouldn’t be nearly as exciting if we were all perfect all the time (picture the step ford wives eek!).

5. Love Others Unconditionally

This seems similar to number 3, but it’s different. Once you love yourself, love others unconditionally. Let your guard down (when it feels right) and put all your love into someone or something. Let yourself feel by giving love or receiving love. A life without the love of our friends, family or relationships would be unfulfilling. One of the most rewarding feelings is being able to give the gift of love to someone else and feel that love returned.

6.  Bros Before Hoes (Value Friendships)

In case you don’t know what this means – friends before the preferred sex. It could be friends before boys or vice versa. Put your friendships before that new crush or girl you’re dating because in the end, your friends will always be there for you. They will be the ones there for you if you break up or if you partner passes on. Friends are like family. There for you in any time of need.

7.  Trust Your Instincts

 Gut feelings are usually right. If you meet someone and feel like something is off, something probably is. The same thing goes for iffy situations. Don’t brush off any red flags whether it be related to a situation or a person. Something you may see as a small red flag in the beginning will most likely turn into a major problem. I see this a lot with my friends. They ignore the red flags in the beginning and the relationship fails. It’s never surprising, but it’s also hard to do in practice. Try to save yourself the heart attack and grumbles by paying attention to the red flags. Easier said than done I know.

 8.  Stand by Your Values

 Values are extremely important. They make you who you are and they guide your decisions. They are also play a major role in romantic and platonic compatibility. Values are the basis for any relationship. It’s also a similarity that forms the basis for a lasting relationship or even friendship. Remember what’s important to you and never lose sight of it.Savor the Moment

 9. Savor the Moment

My dad’s best friend had it right. The guy knew he wasn’t going to live a very long life and he lived his like every day was his last. He lived it like he would never have another identical moment in time. He made every moment count. We are constantly on our phones, instagramming or doing something on a social network. We constantly document our lives, but are we really living in the moment? We take pictures, but do we really remember what happened in the photo? I am trying to live my life like I won’t have another moment because we all don’t know how much time we really have. We always say there is plenty of time, but that’s not always true. Embrace every moment, take risks and don’t leave any questions. Savor every precious moment with those you love and make every moment count.

 10.  Follow Your Heart

 The brain and the heart tend to be in constant battle, but in the end the heart tends to always win. Decisions made with your heart won’t necessarily make sense to others, but all that matters is how you feel. You have to live with you and your decisions, so follow your heart to wherever makes you happy. Disclaimer: I’m not implying to take all logic out of the equation, but sometimes the things that don’t make the most sense end up making you the most happy. Visualize a scale and let your heart outweigh your head.

One last note.. Remember what’s important to you and put those things first. This is the swiss army knife of rules. My default.


Coming out for the first time was one of the scariest, most difficult and most memorable moments of my entire life. I still think back to how that one moment and those few words changed my life. I knew for awhile that I was gay before I came out, but it never hit me how things would change. It never hit me how I would have to come out to almost every person I came close to. When you come out for the first time you think “whewww.. it’s over”, but it’s never over. It gets easier because you get more comfortable with your sexuality, but you will – for the rest of your life – have to come out to anyone you get close to. I still wonder how people will react when I tell them. I’ve written in past posts about how I’m lucky I have never personally experienced hate, but it still worries me. Because everyone eventually experiences it. Some people experience it from their families, friends and even coworkers.

It deeply saddens me how often people choose to judge others based on how they live their life when the truth is that what other people do has no affect on you. I like this metaphor, “What you eat won’t make me fat.” Homosexuality isn’t a disease or an infection and it doesn’t cause lack of ambition. Being gay is a predisposition (my opinion). Why would I choose to be gay and make my life more difficult? Homesexuality isn’t contagious. I hate when people tell other people they can’t be around their kids because they don’t want it catching. Hello! If it was catching we wouldn’t want to be around your kids! You think that we want to make life harder for other people. I love my life and I am secure/happy with my sexuality, but I wouldn’t wish being gay upon anyone because of how harsh and cruel society can be. I wouldn’t want someone to experience the hate that I’ve seen and heard about. I wouldn’t want someone to be afraid to be who they are. Life is so short. Why do we spend the time we have judging other people?

I’m encountering a situation right now, at my new job, where as usual people assume I’m straight. I’ve been worried about correcting them honestly. I like to keep my personal life private because my work is important to me. I don’t want a view of my personal life to change how my performance is viewed. My work should speak for itself without any other governing factors. After 7 years of being out, you would think I would be more comfortable. I come out all the time right? It does get easier with every person, but every situation is different. There will always be people who don’t accept you. Just don’t get bogged down in the negative. Ultimately you have to live with you and your happiness is the priority. Take every situation as it comes and decide whether to tell people accordingly. I still have to decide whether to correct my coworkers. My manager asked me if I wanted a new hobby “to meet men.” I had to keep myself from busting out laughing. Hey, at least their misconception about my sexuality brings me some laughs. Remember the positive always :)

Feel free to share your advice or stories about coming out in the comments.



I used to view sexuality as black and white. There was no gray area for me – a feeling that isn’t unusual for other people as well. I never understood bisexuality even though I am gay. I always thought why can’t they choose? It was easy for me when I figured it out, but it’s not always so simple. I was like a lot of lesbians who viewed bisexuality as a non-decision. People told me you don’t want to date someone who isn’t gay because they might leave you for a man. The truth is.. a lesbian could just as easily break my heart for a woman. I was closing myself off because of a fear my environment had conditioned me to have. I’m gay and I even admit to being closed-minded. The truth is sexuality doesn’t have to be labeled.

The reality is sexuality is fluid. It’s a spectrum, but there are no rules. There are no rules as to where you must fall to be gay or straight. You write your own rules. It’s your choice whether you do or don’t label yourself. You are the one living your own life, so don’t let anyone else convince you that you have to choose a side or be someone society feels like you should be. Labels are a convention to make society feel more comfortable because we all know people love boxes.

We put limitations on our thoughts and feelings because of fear. Fear tends to hinder us from living fulfilling lives and taking risks. It limits our acceptance of other people and ideas. Fear is what makes us overthink and makes us less accepting. Most people don’t want to be open minded to things they don’t know. That’s why we’ve had this struggle with equality. I know I have had my own personal struggles understanding other sexualities. It’s natural, but it is not something we can’t change. You have to keep your mind open to other points-of-view and to understand things that are foreign to you. That’s how I’ve been able to expand my mind.

I think love is hard enough without putting labels on people and trying to explain your feelings. If you are able to feel a connection with someone regardless of their gender, more power to you. I wish I could look past the gender and fall for the person. I think the people who are able to open their minds to something they never thought was a possibility are brave. In a time where human rights is such a hot topic, we all need to start working towards listening and understanding things that are different to us. There is no shame in acceptance. There is only shame in judgment towards something you know nothing about or haven’t tried to understand.

We are constantly fighting for people to be more kind to one another. Why should I or anyone else judge someone based on who they love? Life is short and if you are able to find someone special that is of the same sex or the opposite sex, you are pretty damn lucky. Happiness is everyone’s ultimate goal. Who cares the gender of the partner that brings you that happiness. Leave yourself open to something new and different. Love is so much better than fear.

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